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- The Holiday Round - 8/53 -
We found Simpson in the pig-sty. The third hole, as he was planning it out for Archie, necessitated the carrying of the farm buildings, which he described as a natural hazard. Unfortunately, his ball had fallen into a casual pig-sty. It had not yet been decided whether the ball could be picked out without penalty--the more immediate need being to find the blessed thing. So Simpson was in the pig-sty, searching. "If you're looking for the old sow," I said, "there she is, just behind you." "What's the local rule about loose pigs blown on to the course?" asked Archie. "Oh, you fellows, there you are," said Simpson rapidly. "I'm getting on first-rate. This is the third hole, Archie. It will be rather good, I think; the green is just the other side of the pond. I can make a very sporting little course." "We've come to see your swing, Samuel," said Myra. "Can you do it in there, or is it too crowded?" "I'll come out. This ball's lost, I'm afraid." "One of the little pigs will eat it," complained Archie, "and we shall have indiarubber crackling." Simpson came out and proceeded to give his display. Fortunately the weather kept fine, the conditions indeed being all that could be desired. The sun shone brightly, and there was a slight breeze from the south which tempered the heat and in no way militated against the general enjoyment. The performance was divided into two parts. The first part consisted of Mr Simpson's swing WITHOUT the ball, the second part being devoted to Mr Simpson's swing WITH the ball. "This is my swing," said Simpson. He settled himself ostentatiously into his stance and placed his club-head stiffly on the ground three feet away from him. "Middle," said Archie. Simpson frowned and began to waggle his club. He waggled it carefully a dozen times. "It's a very nice swing," said Myra at the end of the ninth movement, "but isn't it rather short?" Simpson said nothing, but drew his club slowly and jerkily back, twisting his body and keeping his eye fixed on an imaginary ball until the back of his neck hid it from sight. "You can see it better round this side now," suggested Archie. "He'll split if he goes on," said Thomas anxiously. "Watch this," I warned Myra. "He's going to pick a pin out of the back of his calf with his teeth." Then Simpson let himself go, finishing up in a very creditable knot indeed. "That's quite good," said Dahlia. "Does it do as well when there's a ball?" "Well, I miss it sometimes, of course." "We all do that," said Thomas. Thus encouraged, Simpson put down a ball and began to address it. It was apparent at once that the last address had been only his telegraphic one; this was the genuine affair. After what seemed to be four or five minutes there was a general feeling that some apology was necessary. Simpson recognized this himself. "I'm a little nervous," he said. "Not so nervous as the pigs are," said Archie. Simpson finished his address and got on to his swing. He swung. He hit the ball. The ball, which seemed to have too much left-hand side on it, whizzed off and disappeared into the pond. It sank.... Luckily the weather had held up till the last. "Well, well," said Archie, "it's time for lunch. We have had a riotous morning. Let's all take it easy this afternoon."
III.--UNEXPECTED GUESTS
Sometimes I do a little work in the morning. Doctors are agreed now that an occasional spell of work in the morning doesn't do me any harm. My announcement at breakfast that this was one of the mornings was greeted with a surprised enthusiasm which was most flattering. Archie offered me his own room where he does his thinking; Simpson offered me a nib; and Dahlia promised me a quiet time till lunch. I thanked them all and settled down to work. But Dahlia didn't keep her promise. My first hour was peaceful, but after that I had inquiries by every post. Blair looked in to know where Myra was; Archie asked if I'd seen Dahlia anywhere; and when finally Thomas's head appeared in the doorway I decided that I had had enough of it. "Oh, I say," began Thomas, "will you come and--but I suppose you're busy." "Not too busy," I said, "to spare a word or two for an old friend," and I picked up the dictionary to throw at him. But he was gone before I could take aim. "This is the end," I said to myself, and after five minutes more decided to give up work and seek refreshment and congenial conversation. To my surprise I found neither. Every room seemed to be empty, the tennis lawn was deserted, and Archie's cricket-bag and Simpson's golf-clubs rested peacefully in the hall. Something was going on. I went back to my work and decided to have the secret out at lunch. "Now then," I said, when that blessed hour arrived, "tell me about it. You've deserted me all morning, but I'm not going to be left out." "It's your fault for shutting yourself up." "Duty," I said, slapping my chest--"duty," and I knocked my glass over with an elbow. "Oh, Dahlia, I'm horribly sorry. May I go and stand in the corner?" "Let's talk very fast and pretend we didn't notice it," said Myra, helping me to mop. "Go on, Archie." "Well, it's like this," said Archie. "A little while ago the Vicar called here." "I don't see that that's any reason for keeping me in the background. I have met clergymen before and I know what to say to them." "When I say a little while ago I mean about three weeks. We'd have asked you down for the night if we'd known you were so keen on clergymen. Well, as the result of that unfortunate visit, the school treat takes place here this afternoon, and lorblessme if I hadn't forgotten all about it till this morning." "You'll have to help, please," said Dahlia. "Only don't spill anything," said Thomas. They have a poor sense of humour in the Admiralty. . . . . . . . I took a baby in each hand and wandered off to look for bees. Their idea, not mine. "The best bees are round here," I said, and I led them along to the front of the house. On the lawn was Myra, surrounded by about eight babies. "Two more for your collection," I announced. "Very fine specimens. The word with them is bees." "Aren't they darlings? Sit down, babies, and the pretty gentleman will tell us all a story." "Meaning me?" I asked in surprise. Myra looked beseechingly at me as she arranged the children all round her. I sat down near them and tried to think. "Once upon a time," I said, "there was a--a--there was a--was a--a bee." Myra nodded approvingly. She seemed to like the story so far. I didn't. The great dearth of adventures that could happen to a bee was revealed to me in a flash. I saw that I had been hasty. "At least," I went on, "he thought he was a bee, but as he grew up his friends felt that he was not really a bee at all, but a dear little rabbit. His fur was too long for a bee." Myra shook her head at me and frowned. My story was getting over-subtle for the infant mind. I determined to straighten it out finally. "However," I added, "the old name stuck to him, and they all called him a bee. Now then I can get on. Where was I?" But at this moment my story was interrupted.
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