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- Tobogganing On Parnassus - 1/17 -


TOBOGGANING ON PARNASSUS

By FRANKLIN P. ADAMS

TO

BERT LESTON TAYLOR

GUIDE, PHILOSOPHER, BUT FRIEND

_If that these vagrant verses make One heart more glad; if they but bring A single smile, for that One's sake I should be satisfied to sing. As Locker said, in phrasing fitter, Pleased if but One should like the twitter.

If I have eased one heart of pain; If I have made one throb or thrill; My labour has not been in vain. My work has not been all for nil, If only One, from Maine to Kansas, Shall say "I like his simple stanzas."

If but a solitary voice Should say "These verses polyglot Are not so bad," I should rejoice; But oh, my publishers would not! * * * * * And I, though shy and unanointed, Should be a little disappointed._

CONTENTS

Us Poets Rubber-Stamp Humour The Simple Stuff "Carpe Diem" or Cop The Day That for Money! Xanthias Jollied Horace the Wise Jealousy To Be Quite Frank R. S. V. P. Advice When Horace "Came Back" Nix on the Fluffy Stuff Catullus, Considerable Kisser V. Catullus Explains The Rich Man To-night Those Two Boys Help! The Passionate Householder to His Love The Servants Our Dum'd Animals A Soft Susurrus A Summer Summary A Quatrain To a Light Housekeeper How? Ballade of the Breakfast Table Ornithology To Alice-Sit-By-the-Hour To Alice-Sit-By-the-Hour (Second Idyl) Notions My Ladye's Eyen To a Lady "A Perfect Woman Nobly Planned" An Ultimatum to Myrtilla Love Gustatory She Is Not Fair To Myrtilla, Again Myrtilla's Third Degree To Myrtilla Complaining Christmas Cards - To the Grocery Boy To the Janitor To the Waiter To the Apartment House Telephone Girl To the Barber To the Hall and Elevator Boy Ballade of a Hardy Annual A Plea Footlight Motifs--Mrs. Fiske Footlight Motifs--Olga Nethersole Ballade of the Average Reader Poesy's Guerdon Signal Service Sporadic Fiction Popular Ballad; "Never Forget Your Parents" Ballade to a Lady (To Annabelle) To a Thesaurus The Ancient Lays Erring in Company The Limit Chorus for Mixed Voices The Translated Way "And Yet It Is a Gentle Art." Occasionally Jim and Bill When Nobody Listens Office Mottoes Metaphysics Heads and Tails An Election Night Pantoum I Can Not Pay That Premium Three Authors To Quotation Melodrama A Poor Excuse, but Our Own Monotonous Variety The Amateur Botanist A Word for It The Poem Speaks Bedbooks A New York Child's Garden of Verses Downward, Come Downward Speaking of Hunting The Flat Hunter's Way Birds and Bards A Wish--An Apartmental Ditty The Monument of Q. H. F.

Us Poets

Wordsworth wrote some tawdry stuff; Much of Moore I have forgotten; Parts of Tennyson are guff; Bits of Byron, too, are rotten.

All of Browning isn't great; There are slipshod lines in Shelley; Every one knows Homer's fate; Some of Keats is vermicelli.

Sometimes Shakespeare hit the slide, Not to mention Pope or Milton; Some of Southey's stuff is snide. Some of Spenser's simply Stilton.

When one has to boil the pot, One can't always watch the kittle. You may credit it or not-- Now and then _I_ slump a little!

Rubber-Stamp Humour

If couples mated but for love; If women all were perfect cooks; If Hoosier authors wrote no books; If horses always won; If people in the flat above Were silent as the very grave; If foreign counts were prone to save; If tailors did not dun--

If automobiles always ran As advertised in catalogues; If tramps were not afraid of dogs; If servants never left; If comic songs would always scan; If Alfred Austin were sublime; If poetry would always rhyme; If authors all were deft--

If office boys were not all cranks On base-ball; if the selling price Of meat and coal and eggs and ice Would stop its mad increase; If women started saying "Thanks" When men gave up their seats in cars; If there were none but good cigars, And better yet police--

If there were no such thing as booze; If wifey's mother never came To visit; if a foot-ball game Were mild and harmless sport; If all the Presidential news Were colourless; if there were men At every mountain, sea-side, glen, River and lake resort--


Tobogganing On Parnassus - 1/17

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