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- Nonsenseorship - 2/23 -


Evolution-Another of Those Outlines. GEORGE S. CHAPPELL

Nonsenseorship. HEYWOOD BROUN

Literature and the Bastinado. BEN HECHT

The Woman's Place. RUTH HALE

Owed to Volstead. WALLACE IRWIN

The Censorship of Thought. ROBERT KEABLE

The Uninhibited Flapper. HELEN BULLITT LOWRY

The Wowzer in the South Seas. FREDERICK O'BRIEN

Reformers: A Hymn of Hate. DOROTHY PARKER

Prohibition. FRANK SWINNERTON

A Guess at Unwritten History. H. M. TOMLINSON

In Vino Demi-Tasse. CHARLES HANSON TOWNE

Bootleg. JOHN V. A. WEAVER

And the Playwright. ALEXANDER WOOLLCOTT

The Oracle That Always Says "No". THE AUTHOR OF "THE MIRRORS OF WASHINGTON"

ILLUSTRATIONS

George S. Chappell demonstrating his Outline of Censorship.

Heywood Broun finds America suffering from a dearth of Folly.

Ben Hecht chopping away at the ever-forgiving and all-condoning Bugaboo of Puritanism.

Ruth Hale as a XXth Century woman guarding the Home Brew.

Wallace Irwin composing under the influence of synthetic gin and Andrew Volstead.

Robert Keable urging the Automaton called Citizen to turn on his oppressor.

Helen Bullitt Lowry watching Puritanism set the Flapper free.

Frederick O'Brien finds the South Seas purified and beautified by the Missionaries.

Dorothy Parker hating Reformers.

Frank Swinnerton contemplating, from the Tight Little Isle, the two classes of prigs developed by Prohibition; those who accept it and those who rebel.

H. M. Tomlinson regarding, with not too great enthusiasm, the Perfect State of the Future.

Charles Hanson Towne and the Law.

John V. A. Weaver noticing the bartender who has been thrown out of work by Prohibition.

Alexander Woollcott rescuing the Playwright from the awful shears of the Censor.

The Periscope of the Author of the Mirrors of Washington is turned toward the Great Negative Oracle.

NONSENSEORSHIP

EVOLUTION

_Another of Those Outlines_

[Illustration: George S. Chappell demonstrating his Outline of Censorship.]

BY GEORGE S. CHAPPELL

I

[Sidenote: _Time. The Beginning_.]

When Adam sat with lovely Eve And. Pressed his Primal suit, There was a ban, if we believe Our Genesis, on fruit. But did it give old Adam pause, This One and only law there was?

X

[Sidenote: _Nine verses are supposed to elapse_.]

And then great Moses, on the crest Of Sinai, did devise His tablets, acting for the best, (Though some thought otherwise). At least he showed restraint, for then Man's sins were limited to _Ten_,

C

[Sidenote: _Ninety-nine verses elapse_.]

In later days the Romans proud Their famous Code began. And lots of things were not allowed By just Justinian. He wrote a list, stupendous long; _"One Hundred_ Ways of Going Wrong."

M

[Sidenote: _Nine hundred and ninety-nine verses elapse_.]

Napoleon, (see Wells's book) Improved the Roman plan By spotting a potential crook In every fellow-man. And by the _Thousand_ off they went To jail, until proved innocent.

MDCCCCXXII

[Sidenote: _Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine verses elapse_.]

Now in the change-about complete Since Adam Passed from View. For apples we are urged to eat And all else is taboo. A _Million_ laws hold us in thrall, And we serenely break them all!

NONSENSEORSHIP

[Illustration: Heywood Broun finds America suffering from a dearth of Folly.]

HEYWOOD BROUN

A censor is a man who has read about Joshua and forgotten Canute. He believes that he can hold back the mighty traffic of life with a tin whistle and a raised right hand. For after all it is life with which he quarrels. Censorship is seldom greatly concerned with truth. Propriety is its worry and obviously impropriety was allowed to creep into the fundamental scheme of creation. It is perhaps a little unfortunate that no right-minded censor was present during the first week in which the world was made. The plan of sex, for instance, could have been suppressed effectively then and Mr. Sumner might have been spared the dreadful and dangerous ordeal of reading "Jurgen" so many centuries later.


Nonsenseorship - 2/23

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