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- The Real Diary of a Real Boy - 2/14 -
December 17. rained in the nite and then snowed a little. it was auful slipery and coming out of church Squire Lane fell down whak and Mr Burley cought hold of the fence and his feet went so fast that they seemed all fuzzy, i tell you if he cood run as fast as that he cood run a mile a minite.
December 18. brite and fair. nothing particilar. o yes, Skinny Bruce got licked in school.
December 19. Cold as time. Went to a sosiable tonite at the Unitarial vestry. cant go again because Keene told mother i was impident to the people. i want impident. you see they was making poetry and all sitting around the vestry. they wanted to play copenhagin and post office and clap in and clap out, but Mister Erl woodent let them because it was in church. so they had to play poetry. one person wood give a word and then the oppisite person wood give a word that rimed with it. it was auful silly. a girl wood give the word direxion and then a stewdcat wood say affexion and waul his eyes towards the girl. and then another wood say miss, and another stewdcat wood say kiss and then he wood waul his eyes, and when it came my turn i said what rimes with jellycake, and the girls turned red and the stewdcats looked funny, and Mister Burley said if i coodent behave i had better go home. Keene needent have told mother anyway. You jest wait Keene, and see what will happen some day.
December 20. Bully skating. went after school and skated way up to the eddy, was going to skate with Lucy Watson but Pewt and Beany hollered so that i dident dass to. John Toomey got hit with a hockey block rite in the snoot and broke his nose.
December 21. Brite and fair. nothing particular to-day. nobody got licked. old Francis had his hand done up in a sling. he said he had a bile on it. i tell you the fellers were glad.
December 22. Warm and rany and spoiled the skating. coodent do anything but think of Crismas.
December 23. Saturday and no skating. went down to the library to get a book for Sunday. me and Beany were sticking pins into the fellers and making them holler and Jo Parsons the libarian jumped rite over the counter and chased us way down to Mr. Hams coffin shop. he dident catch us either. then we went down town and Billy Swett lent me a dime novel to read sunday. it was named Billy Bolegs a sequil to Nat Tod the traper. sequil means the things in Nat Tod that was not finished.
December 24. Brite and fair. Crismas tomorrow. went to sunday school. Mr. Lovel is our teacher now.
December 25. Crismas. got a new nife, a red and white scarf and a bag of Si Smiths goozeberies. pretty good for me.
December 26. Crismas tree at the town hall. had supper and got a bag of candy and a long string of pop corn. Mr. Lovel took off the presents and his whiskers caught fire, and he hollered o hell right out. that was pretty good for a sunday school teacher, wasent it. Jimmy Gad et too much and was sick.
December 27. Beany has got a new striped shirt not a false bosom but a whole shirt. Beany wont speak to me now. Lucy Watson has got a new blew hat with a fether. she wont speak to Keene and Cele eether. you jest wait Beany and Lucy and see.
Jan. 1, 186-Had an awful time in school today. me and Cawcaw Harding set together. when we came in from resess Cawcaw reached over and hit me a bat, and i lent him one in the snoot, and he hit me back. we was jest fooling, but old Francis called Cawcaw up front to lick him. i thought if i went up and told him he wood say, noble boy go to your seat, i wont lick neether of you. anyway i knew that Cawcaw wood tell on me, and so i told old Francis i hit Cawcaw first, and old Francis said Harry i have had my eye on you for a long time, and he jest took us up and slammed us together, and then he wood put me down and shake Cawcaw and then he wood put Cawcaw down and shake me till my head wabbled and he turned me upside down and all the fellers looked upside down and went round and round and somehow i felt silly like and kind of like laffin. i dident want to laff but coodent help it. and then he talked to us and sent us to our seats and told us to study, and i tried to but all the words in the book went round and round and i felt awful funny and kind of wabbly, and when i went home mother said something was the matter and i told her and then i cried, i don't know what i cried for, becaus i dident ake any. father said he wood lick me at home when i got licked at school and perhaps that was why i cried. ennyway when father come home i asked him if he was a going to lick me and he said not by a dam sight, and he gave me ten cents and when i went to bed i got laffin and crying all to once, and coodent stop, and mother set in my room and kept her hand on my forred until i went to sleep. i drempt i was fiting all the time. when i get big enuf there is going to be a fite between me and old Francis, you see if there aint.
Jan. 2, Me and Beany has made up. i told him i had ten cents and then he dident feel so big about his new shirt. ennyway we went down to Si Smiths and got a dozen goozeberries and then went down to doctor Derborns and got a glass of sody water and took turns drinking it and seeing which cood gulp the loudest. Beany beat.
Jan. 3. brite and fair. Went down to Pewts tonite to make hayseed cigars. We made 5 kinds, hayseed, sweet firn, cornsilk, mullin leeves, and grape vine. my mouth taisted aufuly all nite.
Jan. 4. brite and fair. Pewt dident come to school today. i gess he was sick. my mouth taisted aufuly all day.
Jan. 5. clowdy and aufuly cold. Pewt came to school today and got a licking for puting gum on Nigger Bells seat. Nig set in it til it dride and then tride to get up and coodent. then old Francis come down the ile and snaiked Nigger out and when he see the gum he asked us who put it there. we all said we dident, but he licked Pewt becaus he had seen Pewt chooing gum.
Jan. 6. it snowed last nite and today. Speaking in school today. i spoke the berrial of sir John More. old Francis said he never heard ennything wirse in his life. i hope he wont tell father. this afternoon we pluged stewdcats.
Jan. 7. Ed Towle has got a gote. the fellers stumped me to hold him by the horns and he buted me over in the slosh. mother said i had no bisiness to be playing on sunday.
Jan. 8. brite and fair. there is going to be a nigger show in the town hall tonite. father says i cant go becaus i sassed aunt Sarah. it is uncle Toms cabbin.
Jan. 9. brite and fair. Beany went to the nigger show. he led one of the bludhouns in the prosession and got a ticket. Beany had on a red coat jest like the dogs. he said it was buly.
Jan. 10. rany. Nipper Brown is the best scolar in my class. i am the wirst. i can lick Nipper easy.
Jan. 11. brite and fair. After school me and Beany and Pewt and Fatty Melcher and Pozzy Chadwick and lots of fellers went skating on fresh river. i was skating backwerd and i got one leg in a eal hole, gosh the water was cold and before i got home my britches leg was all froze.
Jan. 12. nobody got licked in school today, gess why, becaus there wassent enny school. old Francis was sick, i went skating.
Jan. 13. brite and -- no it was rany. had a speling mach today in school. Cele and Genny Morrison staid up til the last and then Cele missed and set down balling, and Genny beat. i cant stop to wright enny more becaus i am going to the levee with father.
Jan. 14, 186- Went to a big levee last nite at the town hall. Bill Morrill and Nuel Head and Dave Quimby and Frank Hervey got it up. they had Hook and Pasons quadril band of Haverhil. father bought a ticket becaus he was in the custum house and has to be frends with people. it was splendid. most everybody went all dressed up in blue silk and red and crokay slippers. Ham Perkins and Charlie Lane and Charley Piper and Chick Randall and Dan Ranlet and Grace Morril and the Head girls and Sweat girls and Carrie Towle and Sarah Clark, J. Albert Clarks sister and the Melcher boys and they all hopped round pretty lively, i tell you. i staid until 12 o'clock and listened to the band. i never had so good time in my life.
Jan. 15. i am all spekled over. mother says she is afrade i have got chicken pocks. i gess i have been in the hen koop to mutch.
Jan. 16. the speckles have all gone of. doctor Perry says i et to many donuts.
Jan. 18. brite and fair. yesterday to and day before yesterday i have forgot.
Jan. 19. snowed all day. Me and Beany is mad.
Jan. 20. father is sick becaus he et to mutch salt fish and potato and pork. he is auful cross and hit me a bat today becaus i left the door open. i gess he will be sorry when i am ded.
Jan. 21. brite and fair. went to church in the morning and in the afternoon greeced some paper and trased some pictures.
Jan. 22. i had to stay in the wood-box today for whispering to Whacker with the cover down. i like it becaus they is a peep hole in the box and you can see the fellers and they cant see you. by and by Gimmy Fitsgerald whispered and old Francis put him in to and we took turns peeping.
Jan. 23. it raned hard all day and we had one sesion. Beany came over and we made up and plaid in the barn making fly boxes.
Jan. 24. nothing much today, rany in the morning and froze at night.
Jan. 25. brite and fair. everything was covered with ice and when father started for the depot he tumbled down the front steps from the top to the botom. mother says he went bumpity bump and his hat went one way and his dinner box went the other. i herd him swaring aufuly about that dam boy, and i gess he wood have come up and licked time out of me, but he had to hurry to get the train.
Jan. 26. jest as soon as the skating comes it has to snow and spoil it.
Jan. 27. i coodent go out of the yard this afternoon becaus i dident put ashes on the front steps before father fell down and so Pewt and Beany and Whacker and Nibby Hartwell and Diddly Colket and Nipper and Prisilla and Gim Wingit and lots of the fellers came over and we
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